I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
