you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
