Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
