shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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