Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
