Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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