she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
and eventually we just all took our pants off
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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