I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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