batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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