Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
