i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
