Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
