Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
