is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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