Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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