If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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