just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
