I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
then he tried to convert me to islam
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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