I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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