and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
