Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
