the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Drunk is not a location!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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