So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
