yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
