honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
