I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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