also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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