I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
