I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
