we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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