I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
