yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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