went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
