Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
