I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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