9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
