Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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