i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
do herpes really smell.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
