Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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