the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
