we made out on top of his cat.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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