I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
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Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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