How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
