wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
