What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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