when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
