she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
my liver is dry heaving
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
