I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
