Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
