Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
