What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
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