textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
