just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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