did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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