I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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