you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
