Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
