Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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