If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
