i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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