What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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