i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
