You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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