i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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