I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
it's not cheating when I paid for it
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
