I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
