You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
