I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
