I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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