you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
