O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
