She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
