I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
