Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
