apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
