I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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