And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Why did my mother make you get naked?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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