You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
