someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
