Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
