if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
