It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
