Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
