I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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