And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
