I wish my penis had an off switch
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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