Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
