My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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